I'm Pregnant
by mrsjaspercullen14
Summary: One-shot. Rosalie tries to tell Emmett she's pregnant. All human
1. Chapter 1

**I'm Pregnant!**

**RPOV**

Oh my god. I can't believe this is happening! I am so happy. This is so unexpected. Emmett is going to be so excited. My husband would be home in about an hour. I would tell him then. I did one of Bella's happy dances around the bathroom. I threw the little white stick I had just peed on into the trash and went to make the dinner.

I heard Emmett's key in the front door and prepared myself.

"Hey, babe! How was your day?" he asked, coming into the kitchen. Holy crap! 'I'M PREGNANT!' I wanted to yell, but I held it in and decided to play a game. I was going to drop hints for a while. Emmett could be smart when he wanted to be. I figured it wouldn't take him long to figure it out.

"Hi, Em," I purred kissing him on the cheek. "Your dinner's on the table." I told him.

Emmett looked me up and down and said, "What are you so happy about?" Crap. Emmett knew me too well. Phase one of the plan begins.

I composed myself and said seriously, "Emmett, I'm late."

A panicked look came on his face. "I'm late? Late for what? I thought I rescheduled that finance meeting until next week!"

"Not you, idiot! I'm late! My period's late!" I moaned. He could be seriously stupid sometimes.

"Ewww, Rose! Too much information!" He yelled and covered his ears like a little kid. Ugh!

Okay. I needed to try a different approach.

"You know, I've been kinda sick the last couple of mornings." I told him.

"What? Are you okay, babe? Maybe I should take the day off work tomorrow and drive you to the doctor's."

"Unnecessary." I growled. Okay. I totally take back what I said before about Emmett being smart. He is the stupidest, most dim-witted ass ever. I glanced at Emmett who shrugged and started wolfing down his dinner again. Okay. Already started the plan. Should probably continue. I took a deep breath.

"And I've been having all these cravings. For ice cream and chocolate and stuff," I began. "And I've been feeling exhausted lately."

"Rose. I really think you're sick. I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow whether you like it or not." He said between mouthfuls.

This was getting really annoying now and I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. But I figured a trip to the Doctor's office would be needed soon anyway so I just muttered, "Fine." He didn't get it soon, I was giving up.

"I peed 10 times today," I said conversationally, causing him to choke on his food and gag.

"Rose! What is wrong with you?! I'm eating here!"

I glared at the back of his head as he finished his last potato. He got up, put his plate in the sink, kissed my cheek and went into the sitting room to watch the football. While I sat there fuming.

A minute later, Emmett walked slowly back into the kitchen.

"Holy shit! You're pregnant, aren't you?!" He grinned.

Hell, I was having hormones already.

"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!"


	2. I'm Pregnant take 2

Hey people. I know I haven't updated in a while but I have a busy life. First of all thanks for all the reviews. I got so many readers asking me to update this so I just want to tell you that this isn't a continue on from the first part it's just another oneshot of Rosalie telling Bella and Emmett she's pregnant. My boyfriend got me the DVD of Juno for my birthday and I thought it would be perfect for this. I don't own Twilight and I don't own Juno.

**I'm Pregnant 2**

**Rosalie**

Unbelievable. 16 and quite possibly preggers. Nuh-uh, not happening.

It started with a chair.

*Flashback*

Emmett sat naked in the chair waiting for me. He was unusually quiet for being Emmett. I dropped my panties to the floor and slowly walked towards him. I wanted this. I sat on top of him.

"I've wanted this for a really long time," he muttered in my ear.

"I know"

"Wizard" he said breathlessly.

I continued kissing him. And you know how a baby is made...

*End of flashback*

I looked at the old tatty brown armchair sitting in the garden. This is the most magnificent disgarded living room set I have ever seen. I lifted the huge carton of Sunny D to my lips and drank heavily.

I made my way to one of the only shops that Forks, Washington has. And of course, as I walked, it rained.

"Well, well, if it isn't Hale the crime dog! Back for another test?" The store clerk yelled after me as I made my way through the store. I was tempted to give him the middle finger or tell him to eff off.

I picked up a pregnancy test and made my way back to the counter.

"I think the first one was defective. The plus sign looked more like a division symbol so I remain unconvinced," I told him. I went to lift the key to the bathroom off the counter but he grabbed it out of my reach.

"Third test today mamma bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it." I hated his snide tone. Nobody ever spoke to Rosalie Hale like that.

"It's really easy to tell. Is your nipples real brown?" a customer perked up.

Ewwww. I didn't trust her anyways. She looked like she was on drugs or something.

"Yeah, maybe your little boyfriend's got mutant sperms who knocked you up twice!" The clerk piped up. If he could see Emmett he would not be calling him little.

"Silencio, old man!" I yelled. "Look I just drank my weight in Sunny D, and I gotta go pronto!" I held out my hand for the restroom key and grudgingly he gave it to me.

"You pay for that peestick when you're done! Don't think it's yours just cause you marked it with your urine!" He shouted after me.

* * *

"What's the prognosis, fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?" The guy at the counter asked as I left the restroom.

"I don't know it's not seasoned yet. I'll take some of these," I said grabbing the closest form of sugar.

I watched as the test turned positive. AAAHHHHH.

"No. There it is. That little pink plus sign is so unholy," I said.

I shook the test over and over, hoping it would change its mind and not let me be pregnant.

"That ain't no etch-a-sketch," The clerk said. "This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet."

Dickhead. Thanks for reminding me.

I payed for my purchases quietly and left the store.

* * *

I dialled a number that I knew well into my burger phone. Bella, my best friend in the whole world answered after the first ring.

"Yo yo yiggedy yo,"

"I'm a suicide risk" I told her.

"Rose?" She asked as if she didn't know.

"No, it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?" The way we talked to each other would've seemed rude to an outsider, but Bella and I knew each other better than anyone.

She laughed. "Only the one in my pants."

Okaaaaay, get a move on Rose, time to tell her. She won't judge. She's your best friend.

"I'm pregnant." I said slowly into the phone.

"WHAT? Honest to blog?" was her oh-so-helpful reply.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's Emmett's."

"It's probably just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?"

"No, it's not a food baby, alright?" I said. "I've taken like three pregnancy tests and I am fo shizz up the spout."

"How did you even generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests? That's amazing." Trust Bella to pick that up out of all that I just said.

"I dunno, I drank like ten tonnes of Sunny D, anyway dude, I'm telling you that I'm pregnant and you're acting shockingly cavalier."

"Is this for real? Like for real for real?" She asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," I sighed.

There was a silence and then, "Oh My God! Oh shit! Foookatilit!"

"There we go. That was kinda the emotion that I was searching for in the first take."

"So, are you gonna go to Havenbrook or Women Now coz you know you need a note from your parents for Havenbrook."

"Yeah I know, I'm gonna go to Women Now, just cause they help out women now."

"Hey, do you want me to call for you? Cause I called for Becky last year." At least she was trying to help.

"No, I can call myself. Oh, but I do need your help with something. It's like critically important."

* * *

A few hours later, Bella was helping me move the armchair where Emmett and I had done it. She couldn't criticise me, she had done it pretty much everywhere in Forks with Emmett's brother, Edward.

"You know heavy lifting can really only help you at this point," Bella laughed.

I laughed, "Seriously."

"So you were bored? That's how this blessed miracle came to be?" She asked.

"No, no," I said. "The act was premeditated. I mean the sex not the whole 'lets get pregnant' thing."

"So when did you decide that you were gonna do Emmett?"

"I dunno. Like a year ago in Spanish class." I smiled as the memory of it filled my mind.

"You love him!" Bella gasped.

"It's not, it's not...it's actually really complicated, okay? And I don't feel like talking about this in my fragile state."

Bella laughed.

"So what was it like?" She asked, slyly.

"Magnificent!" I smiled.

* * *

"Hey Em." I said, from my armchair on his front lawn. He was getting ready to go out for his morning run.

"Wicked tiger," he said, pointing at the rug on which my chair sat. "He looks proud."

"I swiped it from Ms Ransic's lawn," I joked.

"Why your shorts are like especially gold today," I told him.

"My mom uses colour safe bleach," he said.

"Go Esme." I said, laughing.

"I'll tell her." Emmett replied.

As Emmett's runner friends ran past, he said "Ah, well, I'm supposed to be running." He made to leave but I began, "So, guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm pregnant."

Silence.

Silence.

And more silence.

"What should we do?" He asked, like I have a clue.

"Well, I was just, you know I was just thinking about nipping it in the bud before it gets worse. Cause they were talking in health class about how pregnancy can often lead to an infant."

"Typically, yeah, that's what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant."

"So, you're cool with that then?" I kinda hoped he'd tell me not to.

"Yeah, yeah, wizard, you know just I guess do whatever you think you should do, you know?"

I got out of my chair. "Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn't like your idea."

"What? Who's idea was it?" Emmett asked stupidly as I went to my bike.

"I'll see you at school," I called to him, not answering his question.

**Emmett**

Who's idea _was_ it?

Rosalie is pregnant. Oh shit.

* * *

I know it's not very original on my part but you insisted and I hope you like it. And should I be worried that this is the movie my boyfriend chose to get me? 0_0


End file.
